Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Nothings Easy

July 16th, 2013.
One of the hardest days of my life.
The day I lost my best friend.

Its been just over a week now, and it still hurts just as bad as the day it happened. Everyone says its going to get better. But its not getting any better. I still cry constantly. I still get mad. I ask myself a million times a day why? Why you Brans? I don't properly function. I haven't ran since before it happened. I'm not sure when I'll be ready to run again. Running has always been my time to think, and I'm scared the moment I try going for a run i'll break down. I'm hurting.

I feel so much resentment. I feel like no one understands what I'm going through. I don't want to be with anyone but my family, we're all going through the same thing. Its hard. It's so hard.

I put on a brave face, I pretend that I'm ok. But I'm not. All I want is my best friend back. I would do anything to have her back.

I wrote this the day she passed:

3 years and 9 months. Our time together was short, but the impact you made will never leave me. I don't know how to properly function, knowing your gone. I feel like I'm reliving a nightmare I never wanted to see again. You made my days brighter. You licked away my tears when I was sad. My heart hurts. It hurts in a way I never thought was possible. You were the happiest, most loving dog I've ever met. You never left my side, even when you were sick. I feel like you're still here. Like any minute now your going to come running through the door and jump onto my bed right into my lap. I don't know how I'm supposed to go to bed tonight, knowing your not at the end of it. I don't know how I'm supposed to take a shower tomorrow, knowing your not waiting right outside the door for me. This day has been one of the hardest days of my life. First Bella, and now you, Brandi. Life isn't fair. I miss you more than words could ever describe. You weren't just my dog, you were my best friend. I'm not sure ill ever be able to hear or say your name, without having to hold back tears. When you died, a piece of me went with you. Rest in Peace Brans.

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